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Some steadfast rules for many (not all) Columbia College Students
NOTE: I wrote this rant when I found out (due to inept advisors) I would have to spend another year in Grad School. It was later found that they were wrong...after I had already spent another semester at Columbia the mistake was fixed and it was found I could have graduated the previous semester.
In light of the fact that I have to deal with Columbia and its vacuous masses for another year, I decided to lay out some ground rules for the segment of Columbia students that make the rest of us look bad. Here's the first installment:
1) 10,000 people acting different in the same way and trying to be "more different" than the next guy makes you the same. By all means act/dress/look however you want to, but don't judge the rest of us because we are or aren't filled with tattoos or piercings or hair dye, or giant, gaudy, face-covering sunglasses (honestly, what the fuck are those about?). Somehow a girl that doesn't look like Paris Hilton's ugly ass and a guy that doesn't fill his face with shit, slap on a purple Mohawk, put a tribal tattoo next to his Chinese lettering, and buy his clothes from a garage sale, are just posers, not "real" artists. Guess what? Making yourself look like a moron, hipster, art-school reject doesn't make you an artist - art makes you an artist.
2) Flip your fucking collar back down, asshole. Enough said.
3) Watching the Daily Show does not make you politically informed. Here's an idea - read a book! Read a newspaper! Learn to read! I'm glad you find Jon Stewart funny, or you think Fahrenheit 9/11 was an actual documentary, or that MTV News' hard-hitting journalism really speaks to you, but those are not sources of information, they are entertainment. If I have to hear one more argument from somebody that (on a good day) reads only the headlines of the RedEye, about how Osama Bin Laden is actually living at the Pentagon baking cookies, or that America has killed 32 trillion babies on behalf on Enron, or that Dick Cheney is really a Democrat and Ted Kennedy is really a Republican, or that Wal-Mart employees are forced to butt-fuck jackalopes for minimum wage, I'm going to embark on a tour of mass homicide on campus. If your words were a religion I would be their anti-Christ.
4) Columbia is not difficult. Tedious and filled with busy work? By all means! Difficult? No. Stop complaining. We don't have open admission because we're Harvard. There are nightclubs harder to get into than this school. This is not to say there are not difficult classes, or portions of certain classes, or projects, but guess what? ITS COLLEGE ASSHOLE! I'm glad you were in Honors English when you were fifteen and writing like a "hooked on phonics" reject was acceptable, but this is supposed to be a step up. You know what Honors English means? You made it to the level that millions of other people do every single year. Congratulations, you're mediocre! If you consider that your academic peak, why don't you just go ahead and start your career at Taco Bell now and save yourself the time and your parents the tuition money you useless fuck? College and Grad-school students complaining about having to form coherent sentences, cite sources, and use complex mathematics like "addition" make the rest of us look stupid so shut the fuck up or drop out.
5) You did not discover that band. I'm glad you were listening to The Pigeons of the Underworld, or The Death Ray Lampshades, or whatever shit-tastic "underground" band is hot this week, before everybody else, but that does not mean you are a member/friend of the band and it certainly doesn't mean that somehow everybody else's opinion of the band doesn't mean shit. That's like bragging about being the first one to feel a raindrop before a storm. I don't care if they were playing exclusive shows in your womb prior to their first release. Your opinion means nothing to me. I either like them or I don't so get off your soapbox, all you're doing is diminishing my opinion of the artist before I even hear them because your meaningless association with them is such a turn-off